Will the Real Me Please Stand?

"I need to take some time to find myself."

"I don't know who I am."

"I need to find out who I am, myself, before thinking about involving myself in anything."

"Who is anyone, really?"

"What's really important is who I am on the inside."

"I just need to follow my heart."

     Sound familiar? I'm sure we've all heard some version of the above at one time or another. Thinking about it, I wonder, who is the real me? Upon reflection, I don't think that is the right question. A question like that would do nothing but confuse.

 
   Is the real me the person laughing and turning everything into a joke at a gathering, or is the real me the person who sits back away from people, begging to be ignored? Is she the strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and how to get it, or the one who simply wants to be told what to do? Is she the brutally honest one who holds nothing back, or the one who skims and hedges because she doesn't want people to know what she thinks? Is she the inner voice who stands tall and alone, or is she the one who silently pleads for others to stand with her?

     Is the real me the dreamer who still believes in fairy tales, or the unbeliever who knows that life totally stinks? Is she the person who keeps both her feet firmly on solid ground, or the one who really wishes people would push her into taking risks? Is she the woman who unlocks her door at the end of the day and sighs in relief because she is finally home alone with only her cats for company, or is she the woman who unlocks her door and sighs in depression because she is home alone with only her cats for company?

     Is the real me the chatterbox who always has something to say, or is she the awkward one who can't think of a single conversation topic? Is she the firm believer with unquestioning faith, or is she the one questioning if God really cares about someone so insignificant? Is she the one constantly calling on God for strength, or is she the one who believes she can do it all herself?

     HELP! I'm confused again! Questions like that are not getting me anywhere. But maybe I can learn something from them.

     All of those questions can be traced to a common root--feelings or emotions. So, does that mean that the real me is whoever I feel I am? That can't be. I mean, seriously, I'm a woman. My feelings change daily, often hourly, sometimes, even by the minute! This line of thinking leads me to Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" It is impossible for my heart to tell me who I am. It's lying to me! Well, that's a dead end.

    As I continued to think through this, I started to think about diamonds. (Hey, what can I say? I'm a girl.) More specifically, I thought about the cut of diamonds. Now, I'm not going to go into shallow, deep, perfect, etc. I want to focus on the number of cuts on a single diamond. The more times a diamond has been cut, the more surfaces there are. More surfaces mean that there are are more places from which light can enter and reflect. As a result, the diamond sparkles much more brilliantly than a diamond cut fewer times. 

     What if I applied the same principle to figuring out who the real me is? Instead of picking one thing to say, "That's me," what if I put each characteristic together to form one whole? Similar to a diamond, maybe it's the combination of these things that makes me who I am. (No, I'm not implying a massive case of MPS...) Perhaps, I already know who the real me is.

     I love books. I've been reading for as long as I can remember. (Stay with me, there is a point.) I've read hundreds of books. Some of them were amazing! I was completely caught up in the story. I cried when the main character cried, fumed when he was wronged, laughed when he was happy. I felt as if I knew that person. Other books, however, did not give me this feeling. Try as I may, I could not crawl into the minds of the characters. They were flat and lifeless with the author only focusing on one or two characteristics. The best characters were the ones with the most substance--they were well-rounded and alive. (Think about that diamond again.)

    Well, so far I've referred to the Bible, an object, and books. That leaves music! I love music. This is the perfect moment for a particular Hilary Duff song I listened to when I was in my late teens. (Yes, I did like some of her songs. So sue me.)

I'm an angel, I'm a devil 
I am sometimes in between
I'm as bad it can get
And good as it can be
Sometimes I'm a million colors
Sometimes I'm black and white
I am all extremes
Try figure me out you never can
There's so many things I am

I'm someone filled with self-belief
I'm haunted by self-doubt
I've got all the answers
I've got nothing figured out
I like to be by myself 
I hate to be alone
I'm up and I am down
But that's part of the thrill 
Part of the plan
Part of all of the things I am     

     I omitted a few lines, but you get the picture. It's all of those contradictions that make up the real me. Take away any part, and you take away part of the shine, similar to taking away a surface from a diamond.

     Well, it's time. We've been watching To Tell the Truth. The questions have been asked, the votes are in. It's time.

Will the real me please stand?

     The characteristics of me exchange glances. Some half-rise, only to fall back into their chairs as others begin to rise. Then, as one, they all rise. As one, they are nothing but flat and lifeless. Standing together, they make up a brilliant whole.

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee: and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee." I could have started here and skipped the above, but that wouldn't have been as fun. I am the person God made me to be. The one He is daily chipping away at to form into His masterpiece. That is the real me.