Into the Valley and Back

     Two weeks ago, I shared a story of God's love and faithfulness overcoming my depression and turmoil. The response I received was overwhelming. In just a few days, I had over 300 views from ten different countries.

To put it in perspective, I only had 148 Facebook friends from three or four countries.

     I have received messages from several people telling me that they have similar stories. Some are people I've just met, others people I've known for years. My point here would be, if you are going through something similar, don't suffer in silence. It's hard to be honest about what you are going through, but you aren't the only one.

   
 So how do I feel now that I've shared this story that I've kept hidden? Many things come to mind, but the over-all feeling is relief. You know what it's like to know something. To carry around a secret that is eating through you, yet being unable to share. The relief you get from finally letting that secret out is the feeling I have now. Unlike that, however, I never knew how much it was weighing me down, until it was gone. I didn't realize what a burden it was to be carrying around those memories inside me. I thought that because it was no longer an issue, that there was no reason to share. But the age old adage holds true. Confession is good for the soul.

    It is also true, that, once you've made a commitment or proclaimed victory over something, you will be tested. After a few days on the mountaintop, I was abruptly plunged into the valley where I was tried. Bitterly tried. Feelings of depression that I thought were long gone came creeping up. Thoughts that I thought I had permanently put out of my head resurfaced. And, for the first time in four and a half years, I felt the urge to go back to causing pain with that rubber band.

     Although the plunge back into these feelings took me completely unaware, this time, I was not unprepared. God had seen me through this valley once, He would do so again. As soon as I turned myself over to Him, I was once again filled with the peace that only He can bring.

     The struggle was probably prolonged only because of my own resistance to God's help. I don't know where I picked it up, but somewhere along the way, I came to the conclusion that God was too busy to worry about my little "problems." You know, those daily annoyances that we come across. I can't find my keys. How should I address this issue? Where did I put that? That person is really getting on my nerves. I classified those problems as things I should take care of myself. I forgot that God cares even about the sparrows and the lilies. How much more He cares for me!

     I also need to remember that God can handle my temper tantrums. Yes, I said temper tantrums. Let's be honest. Admit that tantrums are not just for toddlers. Our adult tantrums may not have the same outward manifestation as a child's, but the inward emotions are very similar. I used to think that God didn't need to be burdened with my tantrums. I'll whine to my friends. I'll whine to my cats. I'll whine to the atmosphere, but I won't bother God.

NEWSFLASH: He can handle it!!!

     God can handle my little tantrums. And Who better to vent to? We call it venting when we complain about circumstances to those around us. But, what can they do? Better to keep our mouths shut. However, keeping things inside, causes explosions later. (Trust me, I know!) Why not do our venting to the One Who is in control? He will listen. He won't be given a false impression of people because of what we say. He won't look at people differently. He won't hold what we say against others. He CAN fix it. 

     He can fix situations...though, often, the fixing isn't done in the situation or person we are venting about. In my case, the fixing happens in my own heart. Oh, and one more good thing about venting to the right person, in the end, if I am genuinely listening, God once again provides the peace that I need. Now, I can go about my day without worry that the pent up emotions will escape toward the wrong people. (Usually, the victims of my wrath are the drivers upon the streets of Fayetteville!)

     All that to say that as soon as I ran back into the arms of my Savior, He chased those feelings away and replaced them with an inner peace that no person on earth can imitate. 

    Now, my little audience, I want to thank you once again for the overwhelming love and support you have showed me. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.