Dude, I Shop Like a Dude!

Clothes. Shoes. Jewelry. Make-up. 

     Women can never have enough of these things. They cannot wait until they have a moment to shop the latest styles from their favorite department store. Pawing through racks at Goodwill is exhilarating. Oh, and let’s not forget the euphoria that falls around them when they find those wonderful, impractical, painful shoes that they will never wear more than once a year, but simply must have.


     Yes, women like to shop. The jokes and cracks about women spending money are endless. It’s like a virus. Or an addiction. (Anyone watched Confessions of a Shopaholic lately?) Shopping is a time for social gatherings and retail therapy. I mean, really, who can resist those adorable, strappy, leopard print, 5” heels? I can. No, seriously. I can. While I enjoy a new outfit, I dislike going through rack after rack of rejects. After all, they are on clearance from a reason, right? The prices make me cringe. Eight dollars for a shirt? That’s highway robbery!!! Oh, and don’t get me started on shoes. I abhor shoe shopping. I’ve been looking all summer for a pair of sandals, and have absolutely nothing to show for it. On the one occasion that I found something I semi-liked, I couldn’t bring myself to shell out $24.99. They’re just a pair of sandals for goodness sake!

You mean to say you don’t like shopping? What about the amazing benefits of retail therapy? How can you not like that wonderful feeling of ownership when you are handed your receipt?

     Oh, I like shopping just fine. I am also a huge advocate of retail therapy. My version just happens to be a little different.

     When men complain about how much women shop and the money they spend, there’s a classic answer for that. Men spend just as much money as women; they simply tend to spend it all in one place, whereas women spread it around. As I was pondering on this subject one afternoon, I came to a startling conclusion.

 DUDE!!! I shop like a dude!

      Think about it! I am unwilling to spend $8 on a simple shirt. I hate shoes. I don’t wear jewelry. I also resist going out to eat. Have you seriously thought about the price of fast food these days? I will more easily plop down several hundred dollars on a single purchase. I thought back on the last six to nine months of general shopping experience. I came up with a rough list.

Summer 2012: 2 pairs of shorts; 2 shirts 
August: 1 pair of school shoes 
October: 1 pair of shoes to replace the ones I bought in August, extra undergarments (both from the outlet mall, of course!) 

     That’s about all I could come up with. Pathetic, isn't it? It gets worse. I next made a list of large purchases.





Summer: Moved to new apartment 
November: Dell laptop 
January: Cellercisor trampoline 
February: Flatsicle by Harpsicle 




     And there you have it. Simply four items, yet together they total well over a thousand dollars. What conclusion is there left to draw? My shopping habits reject everything that is wonderful about enjoying an afternoon at the mall with my girlfriends. Instead, they are drawn to that opposite extreme of dude-like shopping.

     As a person who fully embraces her femininity, I was appalled. My favorite excuse to use when confronted with sports, cars, or any other extreme activity is “I’m a girl.” Yet here I am. Stuck and slowly sinking in a bottomless pit of quicksand. How was I ever going to escape!

     My friend pointed out to me last spring that I wore a top the Sunday before that she recognized from a four year old picture on my Facebook page. That was simply too old, and updating my wardrobe was a must. I then confessed that the top was actually over ten years old! But it was a good top! It has lasted so many years, and shows almost no wear. No reason to buy something new. Good heavens! Isn’t that what nearly every guy I’ve met says about his clothes?

     I thought relief had come this spring when I went on a serious shopping spree. With the fashion advice of my best friend, several new items were added to my wardrobe. I was triumphant! I had spent over $100 on clothes! Unfortunately, my bubble soon popped. Half of that money was from a gift card I had received. The other was a gift from my grandma. I was crushed. It didn't count if it wasn't my money. It cost literally nothing for me to buy those things. It did not help matters when, this summer, I spent $140 on a GPS. Add that to my fruitless search for shoes, and you get a miserable excuse for a female shopper.

     I have since resigned myself to my shopping habits. Unless I become a millionaire, I shall always be the one who avoids fast food (except for the occasional pizza), new shoes, and new clothes. I will pinch the pennies in every little area…until an item’s cost rises to over $100. Then, BRING IT ON!!!